Since when do you even give a damn about what I have to say? Oh right, you don’t. Now you complained about me not listening to you. Wonderful how the world works, right? You taught me to shut my mouth and take all the beating. Now you want to listen to what I have to say yet you decided to cut me in the middle. Don’t give me the fucking crap. You were never a father to me. You and that fucking uncle only know how to bribe me with sweets and such. Now I no longer crave for sweets as much for I knew they would remind me of how you and YOUR fucking side of the family works. Sweet words yet ill intent no matter how sweet it is. Your side of the family is fucking poison. I have never been so stressed in my life having you moving back here. I need to move the fucking out of here, even if I have sever this life of mine away from you. Now its either you or me. Sister who supposed to be supportive of me turns out to be against me for being who I am. I like dicks not chicks. Why are you against me on who I am? Is it so wrong being a homosexual? Well, anyways, I am going to come out of the closet when I am done with moving. I hope myself for the best since I no longer have family support.
Anonymous asked: are you planning to go see 'the beatles: the lost concert' film?
no, i would if someone ask me out haha.
jayckayc asked: haha how are my eyes weird?
lolz u look like a white devil haha eyes bulging out haha cute though
CONGRATULATIONS! You had me a fool all this time. You said you have no time for me. Why then? Why are you currently dating someone else? You make so much more sense than me. So do explain. You said you spent more time with me than with your friends. Well that is obviously a lie, since you spent time with new friends than your old friends is what I heard. Every time we hung out is WITH your friends. You are a very evil person, you know that? I loved you and still love you yet this is how I am treated. Your bull shit of a reason to break up with me. You never did love me and all those other times you never did take me to your heart. Why the fuck did you agreed to be my boyfriend? How can we be JUST friends knowing you lied to me? I do not know what your intents are but you sure don’t have my trust. You trusting me is probably just another lie to get to me. Saying I don’t trust you when the people I don’t trust are the friends that hit on you. I have done many things that I wouldn’t normally do for other people for you. You were special to me then and now I don’t even know who you are anymore. It is like the past was just a fucking illusion. The guy I fell for never fucking existed. Well congrats, whether we stay friends or not is up to you. Don’t you dare use your anger and your tears out of this one.
- Be as funny as those class clowns.
- Be as smart as those good students.
- Be as outgoing as your other friends.
- Be as stylish as the ones who can afford those kinds of clothes.
- Be as talented as other people.
- Be as attractive as the ones you dream about.
- Be anybody else but myself, and trust me, I know how much it sucks being me.
Who was it that I was dating, really? The things I thought I knew were completely shambled when I found out that you were into the opposite. Since when do you enjoy horror or gore movies? Since when were you a dog person when you clearly stated you like cats more? You said you don’t have interests in dating bald men yet you fucking dated that specific type? What games are you playing? These types of games is the real reason why I don’t feel happy when we were together. I didn’t say anything is because I don’t want to stir up trouble. That failed me big time and I do not even know whether it is a good thing or bad. Really, who is that sweet innocent person I was so madly in love with? Obviously, not the current you because you are the total opposite. Low blow for saying you were nicer to me as a friend than the times we were together? It was not to hurt your pride, but rather to tell you or give you a signal that you were a total opposite when we are together. I don’t even know who you are and even the words from your friends are COMPLETELY different. You and my middle school crush are the same. You both cut people out of your lives as easy as cutting paper. Where is the guy that I have loved and cherished? He probably doesn’t exist and everything is all fabricated.
Please, don’t spread rumors about him. Though he dumped me, I have nothing against him. So please be mature about this and let it go. He may have hurt me in great lengths, but its also for him to move on and progress his life. He may not have the time for me, but some how I know I will just have to let it go. I am a horrible person, that I know, but talking about him in a negative way behind his back is not a very mature thing to do. We are adults, think and process like one. I am willing to move on since he clearly doesn’t want to be with me anymore. I might as well quit clubbing all together. Friends I have met are great people. They worry for me and listen to me when I am down. Thank you all, but for who ever is talking about him, please let it go and just stop. It will only hurt me even further. Thank you. Every thing is my fault. I can not bring him happiness as a boyfriend and as a friend and it is hurting me inside. I can not take on anymore baggage. Life is being cruel to me already as it is. Anymore and I might lose my mind and do something I truly will regret when it is too late. So please, just stop and move on as I will try my best to move on too. Thank you. ^_^
I finally had a reason to get over my ex-boyfriend. How? Or rather what? Today, I finally confirmed that he never did had the time for me but rather he had time to spend with his friends. Skype and all those other ways of communicating are irrelevant to him. He complains he is too tired. I let him sleep and left him alone only to find out he gets angry at me for not wanting to talk to him. I understand clingy boyfriends are annoying, so I tried my damn best to make sure I am the opposite and not cling on to him too much. Opposite effect. What he said he hates is actually what he wants. Why can’t relationships be black and white instead of having this stupid hue of gray in the middle? He has time to skype with his friends he claims he hasn’t seen or meet up with. What happened to the boyfriend you had that time? You never spend the time to even bother communicating and you claimed to be the one to do all the communicating in our relationship. I tried my best not to nag or bitch or scream or yell or get angry and jealous. What did that get me? More problems since I am NOT communicating with you. Why? Because you ALWAYS get angry and just brings us closer to breaking up. Well, look at what happened now? We did just that. I am not saying it is anyone’s fault. It is actually my fault I wanted a relationship with you because I actually feel attracted to you as a person, not just a sexual partner but a committed partner. I even had plans to take you to Puerto Rico with you to meet my fag hag and have you relax and enjoy the vacation. I got everything paid for and you just had to go and cancelled out on me when I got it. There are times when I do believe you are lying to me or hiding things from me. You said you are not on jack’d, but you are CONSTANTLY on and you know damn well you are attractive to perverts. If you wanted to have sex partners then let me know so I wouldn’t be having this issues about our break up so harshly. Then again, it is my fault for dating a younger guy who isn’t even ready to be committed. Forgive me for being so naive, I am just a honest person when it comes to the one I cherish and naively stupid with my honesty. I did so many things for you that I have NEVER done for anyone else. I don’t know how many guys you have had in line for you but it hurts to know that you trusted others over me. I told you they were after you yet you wouldn’t listen and you would get mad at me. The way you treated me is not fair compared to how you treated me before we started dating. We would text endlessly till we get so tired we fell asleep with our phones in our hands. Where did that time go? Where did the Ryan I fell in love so deeply go? I guess dating younger guys was never the right choice to begin with. You told me that I have nothing to be jealous about, but what you don’t know you created that jealousy and you hurt me in the process of that creation. I still love that Ryan and he holds a big piece of my heart, but I have to let it go. He never will love me as much as I love him. I will move on from here but a certain someone is hurting me without him knowing. I guess it is fine, that is how he is. I guess I am a masochist at an emotional level. Oh, and thanks to another person for helping me figure out I am a REALLY jealous type of person. Thanks. ^_^
Its been almost a month and I managed to stop checking Facebook. Why? Because my straight friends ignoring me. The only person I have left to cry to are the brothers I made. Last weekend I went to the trip with my brothers. It was great and all, but I broke down in tears. What triggered it? It is the person who sponsored the trip. He was talking about how his relationship was in the past. It seemed so similar to mine. Then when it is my turn to share, I felt my eyes swelled up as I was trying so hard to hold back. I don’t want to lie about it because I dislike being classified as one. So, I tried telling my story. I cried. I broke down in tears and couldn’t do anything about it. It hurts so much to the point where I made a fool out of myself. My feelings are so intensively painful and so full of grief, I ended up taking my anti-depressant medication when I got home. Why is it so hard to get over a person who no longer loves you or no longer wants to be with you? I have thought about suicide once again to atone for my actions in front of my dead grandfather’s alter. I would have done so if I had no shoulder to cry on. I decided to let my brother and mom know about my sexuality. I have way too many baggage on my shoulder that I can barely even stand up. Me telling my brothers that I will shoulder all their burden when I can barely shoulder mine. How hypocritical of me as I failed to even help my brothers when they are down. 28th of this month will be a whole month since he dumped me. What can I do? Move on like everyone suggested? I have tried and every time I want to it just brings me back to square one. Do I need to sleep with every guy out there just so I can get rid of this pain I have swelling inside me? I don’t know anymore. How is it that everyone is able to move on and yet they know it is not that easy when it comes to the person you TRULY love? I understand you can easily move on from a guy you have so-so feelings for. But it shouldn’t be so easy if its someone you truly and faithfully love. I deserved to be abandoned by my friends for I have done so just to be with him. Now I pay the price and am reduced to a pile of trash. I want this to end. This pain to go away. This loneliness to subside and finally meet someone who can take all that away. 26 years of being lonely and not because I chose to, but more like forced to due to values I have to uphold. I can’t go on this path alone anymore like I did before I had him. I hope this painful feeling in my chest will go away. Now, I can no longer move on my own. I really love him regardless. He made me do things that I never ever thought about ever doing things for another person. That is what makes him so special to me. So I hope my friends can understand why I can not get over him as easy as they “think” I can. I am not as strong as my appearance shows. Inside, I am very fragile and weak whose true face can easily be exposed. I am going to stop using Facebook for awhile. Why? It is because I can no longer stand the happiness everyone is having with their significant other. It makes me sick to my stomach. I have no malice towards my friends and their boyfriends or girlfriends, it just makes me feel worse than I already am. Thanks to all who supported me, but it seems I will walk this dark roads by myself again.
